I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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