Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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