One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
