Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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