Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
