First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
