Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
