Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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