Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
