somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
