I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
