my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
