my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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