And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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