I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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