Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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