Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
