i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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