6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I will be naked everywhere
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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