Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize