i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
