Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
