I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
