he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So apparently I’m into choking now
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