he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need a beard to bite.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
