I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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