how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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