There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
