so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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