I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
