I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
