smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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