I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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