Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
