im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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