The maid of honor just puked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
