The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
high people should be assigned attendants
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
