Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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