I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
