He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
