She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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