So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize