i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
