So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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