We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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