then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
