Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I deserve this hangover.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
