We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
