Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
