did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
