i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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