So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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