I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
