every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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