I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
