Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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