You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
