Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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