cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
