So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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