apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
