I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
