Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
