You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
