The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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