my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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