I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
