I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize