3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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