He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
