i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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