True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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