Pappa wants mamma naked
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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