you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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