my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
