Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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