i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
