some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
